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Nothing But The Meg
03 January 2006 @ 06:28 pm
the one thing they did make me buy.

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Current Mood: deviousdevious
Nothing But The Meg
03 January 2006 @ 06:07 pm
So I haven't posted in a bit. How were everyone's holidays?

Mine, for the most part, were pretty good -- visited both families (whoa, that sounds incredibly...married) and took a lot of pictures with my new digital camera which I spent an exorbitant amount of cash on. And just spent time with Seb. Got kissed at midnight on NYE. Watched Patrick from FOB and Tyson from AAR pretend they didn't want to make out.

Ate way, way too much food in general.

Looking back over the last year, I find it disturbing as fuck that I've only posted about 16 times since my last birthday. Which is in January. I also find it very disturbing that I'll be 21 soon and I drink less than I ever have before. Except in middle school.

I find it disturbing that I'll be 21, in general. I don't think I ever thought I'd live to 21, har har.

Seb's birthday was a few days ago, and while I'm sure it wasn't celebrated as well as a birthday could possibly be celebrated, I'd like to think he had a nice time. :) *vague*

Monday kidnapped me today, and since the store was overstaffed and I'm, well, manager, we went out. We met up with her friend Ava, who was in the city for the day, and went to designer boutiques to try on clothes we had no intention of buying. Monday does this sometimes. Boutiques are made for tiny people, by the way. I always feel disgusting. Mon and Ava found me some ridiculous high fashion stuff and took pictures. Then we went to a sex shop, they embarrassed me, and Ave and I got our hair done (for not too bad! 60 bucks for a touch up and cut!).

So yes. A good time was had by all. It's nice to not have to work, and pretend that you never have to. Back to the grist mill tomorrow, but tonight I feel like TV food and a movie with the boy is in order. :)
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Nothing But The Meg
03 November 2005 @ 02:14 pm

The war of the insecure people is on.

I have a NEW new layout.

Sometimes I actually can get him to smile for pictures. Imagine that. Nice, huh?

...new icons, as well.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: look at my boyfriend, isn't he pretty? (*cackle.*)
Nothing But The Meg
02 November 2005 @ 07:59 pm
I just realized that I didn't freak out at Halloween. I went to the party, I drank a little bit but didn't get drunk...

I partied, I had fun, I danced.

And I didn't hide, I didn't have flashbacks, I didn't rant at people who don't matter and aren't here....

It's a little weird. But I think I'm okay with it. Considering I didn't realize how bizarre it was that I had fun until this morning. And in two days, when it'll have been three years to the day that I said goodbye to Jake...I think I'll be okay with that, too.

And I have you two to thank for that. Thank you for making me have fun. Thank you for making me not hide in my room. Thank you for not letting me become an alcoholic (and I'm serious about that).

Especially you. I love you.

P.S. You aren't, however, allowed to have a notsosecret love affair with Jonas just because I'm not freaking out right now. ;D
P.P.S. We should make those two go on a double date with us sometime.
P.P.P.S. This song isn't even subtle. It's like, "and then we had some hot sex and I liked it."
P.P.P.P.S. ....I just like the way that makes a little pyramid.
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Sweet The Sting :: Tori Amos
Nothing But The Meg
08 September 2005 @ 10:46 am
So I never update this thing. Ever.

In new news: It's been almost exactly a month since Seb and I started...dating, or maybe "serial cuddling" or whatever you want to call this. And I'm sort of proud that I didn't go psychotic girl on the anniversary and am catching up on it a few days late, but at the same time, whoa, a month.

Okay, I know that's pathetic, but it feels like a lot to me. Who hasn't had a relationship in 3andasomething years. And who is constantly afraid of messing things up.

This doesn't feel messed up, to me. I mean, okay, I'm still sort of paranoid, and I'm not sure that'll ever totally go away, but hey. I don't feel bad wanting to be hugged or hugging or kissing. Which for me is a big thing (whoa, am I making this public?). And I feel safe, and loved. And that's nice.


So in other news, I'm totally bored at work, because no art student in their right mind is shopping at this hour. I have classes this afternoon to placate my parents and be "enrolled" for a while. Bah. My sister and brother are coming to visit next weekend...that'll be interesting.

This is an awesome album. Yay for paychecks that give me new music.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: The Kill :: 30 Seconds To Mars
Nothing But The Meg
07 August 2005 @ 03:05 am


Current Mood: lovedloved
Nothing But The Meg
05 August 2005 @ 03:04 pm
Going to see Seb today.

I miss him like crazy, but...what do I do? I. The way I feel about him just creeps in around being friends. You know? and I think sometimes that he might...I don't know.

I've been avoiding this so long that I don't know how not to. For the first time, I'm not afraid to be around a guy that I like. For the first time, I feel better and more confident when someone compliments me, when they put their arm around me. I don't just feel gross or like someone's watching or judging me. I don't feel like I'm asking for sex if I hug someone.

And I'm GLAD, because that's the way I AM. When I was 15, I was depressed as fuck, but I was huggy. I curled up with Rob, when I met Monday for the first time I sat on her lap -- it was just Jake that taught me that I couldn't...

and it's been four fucking years, FOUR YEARS, and I'm finally getting away from that.

Around Seb, I'm so safe, I feel like nothing can touch me. it's warm and i'm loved by someone and...god, i wish I could tell him.

but what if he just wants to be friends? cuddly friends? what if I freaked him the fuck out last time I got scared? what if I'm not worth the trouble?

What if we do try it and I fuck it up?

Erg, I can't think like this. I'm just going to go, and have a good time, and if we're just friends at the end of it, so be it. At least I have a friend who cares for me and loves me.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Miss Misery :: Elliot Smith
Nothing But The Meg
02 August 2005 @ 02:23 am
I have new icons. I am alive. Other people are updating, hence I should update.

But I have work in the morning. (Big surprise. Gah. *DEAD BY WORK*) So I will sleep now, and update in the morning.

Until then, I am pseudo-alive. Signing out. :)


p.s. miss all of you. some more than others, I'm afraid, but such is the world. those some need to call me.
Current Mood: tiredtired
Nothing But The Meg
15 April 2005 @ 10:23 am
hey, Seb,
call me, or come over, if you see this?

(it's nothing wrong, I just want to talk, because I've been being silly.)
Current Mood: embarrassedembarrassed
Nothing But The Meg
07 April 2005 @ 12:24 pm
Okay. So. He kissed me.

But I kissed him back.


I mean, when I'm with him, I'm more relaxed than I ever am. And I can talk to him about anything. And the movies were really fun.

But. I don't kiss people. I don't kiss boy people, and I don't kiss people. I just.

And people don't WANT to kiss me. I mean, it's Seb. He's cute. He could have anybody. He's not going to want fucked up, pull-away, hide for a month Meg. He's REALLY not going to want me when he finds out just how fucked up I am.

For the first time since Jake, I think I could be with someone. And I'm terrified I'll do something, and just be stupid ME and screw the whole thing UP.
Current Mood: scaredscared